aloneness vs. loneliness.

- i struggle with loneliness. I'm an artist, which makes me one half heart, a quarter brain and a quarter melancholy ;)
God made us with a heart that longs for Him. I am coming to see that loneliness is the living proof for that. Loneliness is "deep crying out to deep" - it is our souls longing for intimacy with God - and the fullfillment of that is aloneness - the ability to be alone with God. Jesus was fully man. He experienced loneliness - but He chose to be in union with the Father, He was in constant union with the Father - but He still chose it.
- So if you're lonely, especially as Christmas draws near, it is because your soul is restless for God - so take a deep breath, and breathe in His presence. Let it permeate every part of You - let it into the loneliness - it was made for Him. You and i were made for Him. Then be alone with Him - as we buy more "stuff", let's let the Spirit strip away what needs to - don't run from it - don't hide from it - don't be fooled with the notion that friends or things or more myspace friends can fill it - it's been reserved for Jesus the day you were made.
- and then, our deepest inadequecies will become our greatest strengths :) and that is more evidence of God's existence - in our lives.
amen.

The posture of breathing . . .

- so it never fails. When i least expect a moment with the indwelling Spirit - it happens.
- Breathing itself models the Christian life.
We breathe in the breath of life. We are filled with oxygen. Our lungs expand. Blood flows throughout our body, into the brain, and we move. Inevitably, we have to breathe out. We have to let it go; and in humility, our lungs contract; we shrink down. And once again, we are dependent on the next breath of air to survive.

We breathe in the Holy Spirit, and He expands us; enabling us to participate in the story of God. But, when we do anything, we end up breathing out in the process; and our small exhale is a humble response to what we were just given. And we shrink; not in shame, or guilt; but out of humility.
- so the moral of this is, don't hold your breath. It's not the way you were made ;)

The posture of Love

- had a great phone convesation with my cousin, Melanie last night. She is part of Madonna House, a community of lay and ordained folks living vows of poverty, chastity, and obedience. We talked about many things, but she said two things which i'm chewing on right now:

1. The greatest posture of love is the posture Jesus took on the cross; it's all gift; you can't cling to anything, or grasp at anything when your arms are that stretched out; and you will inevitably get crucified when you love like that. But that true posture of love doesn't depend on whether you recieve anything in return.

2. People put their eyes to Jerusalem (spiritually speaking here), and all of our focus is on that. But we don't journey to Jerusalem FROM Nazareth - the place of unassuming nothingness; the place where the world looks as says, "what good could come out of that?"; the place of humility.

- So i'm trying to journey to Jerusalem now, but starting from Nazareth.

be- ing and do-ing, continued . . . . . .

- at mass tonight, staring at the Lamb of God, Jesus, i realized that Eucharist is the ultimate way of being; the ultimate form of being; and the ultimate being. And it is the ultimate way of doing; the form of doing; and doing
- "be-ing" is not static. There is a movement there. "Be" is a verb, which means present. The "ing" is denoting, or indicating an action or verb. Put them together, and you have a present action. You have something which is now.
- "Do-ing" is commonly used as a noun. It is when a thought or intent becomes more than sentiment - it becomes something; someone; somewhere.

- Eucharist is the ultimate in being, because GOD is present the same way yesterday, today, and forever. and Eucharist is the ultimate in doing, because the eternal God takes His infiniteness and makes it present now in a gift;
- He has been, and He did it. He is, and He is doing it. He will be, and He will do it.
The gift has been gifted; it is being gifted; and will never stop being given.

Alright; this is officially hurting my brain.

trying to just be . .

- had a great lunch conversation with my friend, Tam. That's right - Tam. It's Mat backwards. It's humorous. well - to me, at least. Anyway, we talked about how we want to DO, but God calls us to BE. So the question is, can you "be" in the midst of doing? I propse you can; and it's all based on this quote:

"Pray as if everything depends on God, and act as if everything depends on you"

- I'm so terrible at both at the same time; it's my tendency to lean towards one or the other; but never BOTH at the same time.
Ah . . . . therin lies the rub ......

the shallow and the deep

- so this is my blog page.i'm calling it "along the shores", because that's where most of my thoughts happen - figuratively speaking. They don't really happen "in the deep" - cause i'm too busy at that point. It's hard to think when you're in the deep. Maybe you're concentrating on staying afloat, and not drowning. Maybe the call is to drown. But at any rate, i know that most of my thoughts come along the shores
- Jesus spoke and taught from the deep waters, and his disciples and followers sat and listened along the shore. Along the shores is where we are called from; it's from a place of "intimate security".
- isn't it interesting that there is no real sudden gap between the shallow shores and the deep waters. You walk into the water, and at some point - you're chest deep. and you turn around, and see how far you've come; and at this point, the fearful don't want to go any further. But the adventurer in us wants to keep going. Then, you're in over your head; you "bob" up and down, like a kid in the deep end of a pool, each time wanting to stay under a little longer, until the point where you can hold your breath and break the surface and see what's really underneath the water.
- this hopefully will be a place where people can come and gather along the shores; may we listen to the master.